Waiting and White-Out
As I've gotten older and continued to meet more people, I’ve come to realize how universal of an experience waiting is. There is a huge variety in the experiences, but waiting has a unique way of teaching us things that change us for the better. I’m not talking about waiting-around-doing-nothing kind of waiting. I’m talking about waiting for something that we are putting our whole hearts and souls into and doing everything we can think of to attain.
I know people waiting to find new friends after moving, to adopt or have children, to be able to communicate in a new language, to find an eternal companion, to be healed from sicknesses and injuries, to get into a program, to serve a mission, to land a job, to overcome the effects of abuse and feel whole again. I know others who are waiting for answers to deep questions, for closure, for understanding, for treatments to work, for broken hearts to heal, and for the day that their precious baby is well enough to leave the NICU and come home. Sometimes God just needs us to wait. And when that waiting results in white-out, God is taking us down better paths.
I got injured in July. I had just signed up for my second marathon and I was so excited. I had just crushed my half marathon PR and felt stronger than ever. Since my first marathon a couple years ago, I’ve had a dream to qualify for Boston and I felt like this was my year. But, I pushed my body too hard with High Fitness classes and running. It started with my Achilles and then, come September, the arch in my other foot. I felt like I was falling apart. I kept pushing and eventually realized I needed to stop. This was devastating for me. Exercise doesn’t just benefit me physically, but it grounds me mentally and emotionally and I had made friends in my fitness classes, so it was social too. But I think sometimes life has to slow you down so that you can learn some things. I’m still in a waiting place. There’s still a lot of unknown. I did physical therapy for six weeks with some improvement, but I’m still hurting. I’ve tried to ease back into things, but it’s been unpredictable, and the pain has been persistent.
I’ve been actively trying to get better. I’ve tried everything that my nurse, PT and Google have suggested. I’ve soaked my feet in hot water, used a night splint, done a variety of physical therapy exercises and treatments. I’ve iced, rested, stretched and even fasted. Sometimes you can try everything and do everything you can, but the answer is simply consistency and time. This experience has humbled me and has caused me to do a lot of reflection on the benefits of waiting and white-out in our lives. This is what I want to share with you.
I don’t want to take any situation lightly and I’m aware that things others have been through are much more intense and heartbreaking than what I’m going through and the experiences I’ll share. But, I hope that the principles that I’ve learned through this waiting period can help during these times in your life. I truly believe that there is purpose in the patience we are asked to have.
Sometimes You Get to Be the Cheerleader
Sometimes you don’t get to be the runner. Sometimes you’re on the sidelines while others are accomplishing your goals. Sometimes you get to cheer for people who are experiencing something that you want, but for a time can’t have. You get to be excited for friends running marathons, when you didn’t get to run the one you signed up for. And excited for friends qualifying for Boston, when you didn’t even get the chance to try. Sometimes you get to say, “I’m celebrating that although I can’t do it or have it right now, you can. I’m celebrating that it’s happening for you.” Sometimes you get to be the runner and sometimes you get to be the cheerleader and that’s okay.
I saw a girl at the rock climbing gym the other day belaying her partner from a wheelchair. My nurse told me that while she was injured, she would drive her friends to the tops of canyons so that they could do their training runs without her. I think things like this take a lot of heart and unselfishness.
Sometimes you get to be a cheerleader for someone going through something similar to what you’ve been through. Sometimes your encouragement and help is extra valuable because of the waiting that you’ve previously experienced. You are a more valuable cheerleader for someone because of what you’ve been through. Sometimes we have these trials so that we can help someone else.
My nurse was one of these for me. She could empathize with me when I cried telling her what I’d been going through and how tough it had been for me. She said she’s cried multiple times over injuries too.
Another is Madison, my High Fitness instructor. She’s also a runner and has had times where she couldn’t exercise. She encouraged me and reminded me that it wouldn’t last forever. She could also empathize with my sadness and has consistently checked in on me and rooted for me through my recovery. She truly cared about how physical therapy was going and always asked how I was feeling after class.
At High Fitness one morning, I was boosted so much by the other people I had met there. Ron, who I would guess is in his 70s, said to me, “Cait, I’ve had every kind of injury you can have and I’m still running.” Another big racer there told me she had similar pain last year. I needed that encouragement that day. I felt so cared for and loved by people who hardly know me. It gave me so much peace moving forward.
I posted on my Instagram story when I was trying to sell my spot for the marathon. So many people responded to ask what had happened and many had relatable injuries and were so supportive.
Think of examples like this in the trials you’ve faced. It’s amazing to have people who understand. Think of HOW those people came into your life. Think of what all had to happen timing wise to bring your lives together. Really think about this. There is a reason for the timing of things in our lives, and this includes the waiting.
I also want to throw in a third type of cheerleader. This is the type of cheerleader that is always celebrating others victories whether they wish they had them, have been through something similar, or have no connection except for that they love you. This is the type that we get to be all the time if we choose. Taking interest in others makes our waiting less painful because we focus less on ourselves. Don’t we all know someone who is just a great life cheerleader? Like they are so pumped and excited for you and any accomplishments you reach. They cheer for your dating life, your races, your promotions and find enthusiasm in the little victories. They are the people that remind you that the small things you are doing are actually pretty amazing.
Dependability is a Godlike Attribute
So what makes these periods of waiting easier or even possible to bear at times? Trusting in God.
Let’s remember that God is there for us always, and always will be. It is who He is. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He will keep His promises. He is perfectly dependable. How amazing is it to know that we have someone that will never fail us? And that He’s looking out for us and our lives? And that He loves us enough to give us hard things sometimes? One day as I was struggling I found myself thinking, “But I love this and it’s a good thing. Why can’t I do what I love?” and God’s loving response came through my next thought, “But I love you”. I think it’s easy to have “but” statements when it comes to things that we desperately want, but I think God’s response is often, “But I love you”. We can be confident that everything He does is out of love for us. That is why He’s molding us with these things. We need to trust that He loves us, has a plan and will provide.
Marvin J. Ashton said, “Perhaps it would be good for our souls to build the relationship and understanding that he is there, even our loving and eternal Father, and that ofttimes delays to our urgent pleas can be best for us. Who is to say it isn’t more important to know that he is there than to receive immediate answers?” (“Know He Is There”, November 10, 1992)
I have a sign that sits on my dresser facing my bed that says, “Be still & know”. I look at that often, and it always brings me peace to remember that He is constant and He knows me. In Alma 39:7, Alma is talking to his son Corianton about sins he had committed and tells him that he wouldn’t dwell on these things if it weren’t for Corianton’s good. The words, “I would not...if it were not for your good.” stood out to me. I think our loving Heavenly Father feels the same with the experiences that we are faced with. He would not if they were not for our good.
During these times, it’s always a good exercise for me to remember what He has done for me in the past. In 2012, I decided to train for a half marathon with my freshman roommates. The plan was to do a half and then a marathon together. I had never run a race like this before, but I had always wanted to. Not long after signing up, my iPod (lol) fell off the treadmill while I was running, and I strained a muscle in my knee trying to catch it. I could hardly walk. I focused on school and other things and eventually it healed. They ran those races without me. I got to run my half and my marathon, but not when I wanted to. It was four years later. I’m having to wait for my second marathon too. But, I know that God will heal me, because He has done it before. And if He doesn’t now, He will when the timing is right if I am putting in my effort.
I think it’s also important to reflect on examples in the scriptures. Have you ever prayed to the Lord and asked, “How long?” You are not alone. There are examples throughout the scriptures of the plea, “O Lord, how long?” Often we see people finding hope and faith in remembering the delivery of their ancestors and knowing that God would also deliver them. Think of the pioneers or Lehi’s family or the Brother of Jared and his people waiting to get to a promised land. Think of Joseph Smith or Book of Mormon missionaries waiting to be released from prison. Think of Alma’s people waiting for a way to escape and be able to pray and live their lives more freely again. So many have waited in bondage or captivity not knowing how long they would be there. God could have delivered them sooner, He could have. But He didn’t. Why? Because of the lessons, learning, faith, growth. He strengthened them to bear up their burdens in the meantime.
Often times we don’t realize the blessings of waiting periods until we look back. This makes me think of canyoneering. Sometimes you have to go down something that you can’t fully see. You go down with the instructions of the people ahead of you because you can’t see what’s below you and it’s hard to know where to put your feet. On the other end it’s so clear, but in the moment it’s hard to understand where God is taking you. You have to trust that the person helping you can see more than you can.
I remember my first summer back from my mission I felt strongly that I should stay in Logan for the summer. The week of finals I was given a big calling and the guy I was dating broke up with me. The next week my job at the water lab became full time and I was working for the plant shop manager instead of my professor and it was not what I was expecting at all. I spent the first two days cleaning up the workshop, sweeping and picking up bolts. It was my first time working full time and it felt so long. Monday I got home and my best friend told me she was taking a different job in another town and wasn’t going to be my roommate for the summer after all. I was completely overwhelmed and discouraged. I was talking to my mom about all of this and she said, “Cait, it’s only Tuesday”. That phrase has come to my mind so many times since then. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we are facing that we forget that God has so much more prepared for us. It’s only Tuesday. He has great things planned for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.. There is so much more to come.
Throughout that summer, I became close friends with another roommate who I didn't know before. You know who was my biggest support when I went through a rough breakup a year later? You know who reached out to me to tell me that she’s had Achilles issues too? God is looking out for us.
The last thing I want to say about dependability, is that we could all be a little bit better at it. If we are all striving to become like God, this includes striving to be more dependable. While there is so much uncertainty in a lot of our lives, with everyone going through periods of waiting and wishing and wondering, let’s make an extra effort to be dependable for each other. Can others depend on you? We should also make an extra effort to stay dependable to God in our waiting.
White-Out
Sometimes faithful waiting leads to alternate paths. I think it’s important to recognize that while waiting can always be for our benefit, it does not always end with the desired outcome. Sometimes we will have to use white-out in our lives. We have something planned and scheduled, but God has another plan and we must change courses and fill it with something else. But there is always something to replace it, something better for us than the original plan, even if it doesn’t feel that way at first, or in the process, or for years after it happened. Not because your plan wasn’t a good plan, but because God knows you and His plan is even better. Better for our learning, growth and understanding. Better for our eternal welfare. Sometimes the thing we want, the thing we are waiting for, is not in our plan. But maybe while you’re waiting for what you think you want, you’re moving toward what God knows you need.
I thought about this when I used white-out to cover up the Hunstville Marathon on my calendar at work. I felt so strong when I signed up. I had to white it out. But, if I had been training for a marathon this summer, I wouldn’t have had the experiences and relationships that I do and that I cherish so much. These thoughts caused me to ponder on the other times when I have had to use white-out in my life. Experiences for these range from promising relationships coming to an end, leaving in the middle of my degree to serve a mission when I had never planned to serve and deciding to find a job right out of college instead of staying for my master’s degree. I can look back and see benefits from all of these experiences. When have you had to use white-out in your life? And where did it lead you?
I like to think of sunrises and sunsets. There are periods of both in our lives, but I think we more often focus on the sunsets. How often do we celebrate the sunrise? When I compare the times that I’ve made a conscious effort to watch a sunrise compared to a sunset, there are much fewer times. BUT, sunrises are JUST AS BEAUTIFUL. Sunsets are hard with closures to time periods, dreams or hobbies, but sunrises are full of opportunity and things we can’t even imagine for ourselves. Pay more attention to the sunrises.
Active Waiting
Last weekend I tried going on a short run and for the first time maybe ever I didn’t track how far I went or how fast I was going. It was honestly so refreshing, because for me right now it’s not about how far or how fast, it’s about moving.
If the thing you are waiting for is not happening, something else will fill that time. Your life will continue. So what will you do with that time? How will you fill it? Even though you may not be able to do the things you want, there are still options for you. There are always options. Exploring these options is what I think of as active waiting. We can always be productive with our time. Gordon B. Hinckley said, “there is nothing that dulls a personality so much as a negative outlook” (Forget Yourself, March 6, 1977, BYU Speeches). Active waiting helps us be more positive.
I’m learning to like the elliptical. I’ve never been a fan, but it’s something that my body can do right now and I can get my heart beating faster. I start adult swimming lessons next week. This probably sounds silly to most people, but I never took lessons as a kid and I’m not very confident in my swimming abilities. I figured this was the perfect time to get better at it. Maybe I can’t run, but I can swim. I’ve spent more time in the last few months rock climbing and playing pickleball and I’ve gotten a lot better at both. I want to try cycling and yoga. I was given a ukulele on my mission and I’ve been wanting to learn it again. We can focus on other areas of growth.
My roommate told me that she had plantar fasciitis while running cross country in high school. She tried swimming because she couldn’t run. The next year when she was healthy again, she didn’t even do cross country. She joined the swim team.
This active waiting can include growth in every part of our lives, including growing spiritually. Waiting has caused me to dig deep and self-reflect. Who am I if my physical talents and hobbies are gone? Am I letting these things define me too much? I felt prompted to not only explore new hobbies, but to take this time to build and establish better spiritual habits.
Dallin H. Oaks said, “Do not rely on planning every event of your life—even every important event. Stand ready to accept the Lord’s planning and the agency of others in matters that inevitably affect you. Plan, of course, but fix your planning on personal commitments that will carry you through no matter what happens. Anchor your life to eternal principles, and act upon those principles whatever the circumstances and whatever the actions of others. Then you can await the Lord’s timing and be sure of the outcome in eternity.” (Timing, BYU Devotional, January 29, 2002).
I was inspired one day by two ladies who were working at the temple. It was clear that English was not a first language for either of them. They struggled some. But they were in the House of the Lord serving Him. They were doing awesome and I felt inspired by their desire and willingness to serve even if it put them outside their comfort zones.
Being active in our waiting is not always comfortable. As part of my physical therapy they did a treatment called ASTYM. They use plastic tools to scrape your muscles and tendons so that new fibers can develop and blood flow can increase to those areas for healing. This was honestly super painful and uncomfortable. They also did dry needling, where they put needles into my tendons and sent electrical pulses through them. Sometimes there is pain and pressure that has to be applied so that we can come out better than we were before the window of waiting. The pain is stimulating change and growth, healthy growth. One day while doing this treatment the PT could tell that I was in a lot of pain, and he said, “Think about running pain free”. So I did. I thought about running freely like I had before and going to my High Fitness classes and this helped me endure those treatments every week. The pain of waiting is more bearable when you think about what you’re fighting and enduring for. It also helps to think of the eternal perspective of what you are fighting and enduring for.
It is not likely that you will always be in this period of waiting. One day while frustrated I had this thought, “Why are you wishing away something that you can learn a lot from? It will pass by without lessons if you let it.” So take advantage of these learning and expanding opportunities before your window passes. In the grand scheme of things, this window is short.
Waiting Promotes Gratitude
I think one of the greatest blessings of waiting is that it promotes gratitude- gratitude for the things that we do have and more gratitude for what we’re waiting for when it comes.
I went on a road trip in October and we came across a waterfall lookout on the side of a main highway. A sign there read, “Erected by a grateful people.” This phrase stood out to me and caused me to think, “Would people say that I am a grateful person?”
I hadn’t been very grateful in this trial and it caused me to reflect. I didn’t train for a marathon this summer, but a lot of other amazing things happened for me. Yes I was injured, but for a few months it didn’t stop me from doing most of what I love. It slowed me down just enough to make the most important things a priority. I still got to go on my trip to Glacier and Banff National Parks, I still hiked Mt. Nebo, I still played Spikeball and volleyball every week and did High Fitness for awhile. Yes, I was in pain during all of it, but everything wasn't taken away. I had so much to be grateful for. And it also made me realize how blessed I had been to run the previous four years without any injuries at all.
When I went to Iceland last year, one of my main goals was to see The Northern Lights. Unfortunately, there was major cloud cover the week we went. We did our research on when and where would be our best chance at seeing them and got up in the middle of our first night to go and look. We waited and waited and had pretty much given up hope when we thought we saw a change in the night sky. Slowly the lights started to appear in a window between the clouds and we enjoyed them for a short minute. We tried to see them again throughout the week without any luck. I remember being a little bit bummed that the sky hadn’t been clear for us. And then I had this thought, “Are you not going to be grateful for the sliver because you wanted the whole sky?” How could I be upset that He didn’t give us the whole sky when He parted the clouds for us? I wanted the whole sky, but I was given a silver, and it was amazing. I know I can be better at recognizing and being grateful for the slivers of light in my life.
I came across a post from a fitness instructor that I don’t even know on my discover page who was out with health issues. Another instructor had commented with this quote, “Set backs make for even stronger come backs.” I needed this. Why would this set back make for an even stronger comeback for me? Because I would be so grateful for the experience. I will not take for granted having a healthy body that can move and jump and do whatever I want it to! I will be stronger because of my gratitude and appreciation for the experience and for feeling 100%. I will be more motivated, grateful and excited to do all of these things fully again.
I remember when my PT told me that he wanted me to try a little bit of running one weekend. I was so surprised and excited. Even to just run around the block would feel like a dream. I hadn’t been on a run in 4 ½ months! Of course I still had pain, but it was so invigorating to get out and be on my feet for just a short time. I’ve never been more grateful to run a mile and a half. I felt the same way my first time back to High Fitness. I was so grateful to be there.
I taught someone on my mission who was first introduced to the church by a friend she made at a previous military base. When she was baptized, this friend flew across the country to be there. I’ll never forget what her friend said in her talk, “I’ve been praying every day for 4 years for this day.” What a faithful example of someone waiting and how much gratitude I felt from this sweet sister for her friend's experience that day. The things that we wait for become much more valuable to us because of the waiting.
After all this talk of waiting, I want to point out a few of the things that we don’t have to wait for. I am so grateful that we don’t have to wait for happiness, wait for peace, wait for hope, or wait for forgiveness from God. We don’t have to wait to serve, wait to love, or wait to reach out to Christ. Our Savior and Heavenly Father have our best interest in mind. They are our perfect cheerleaders and are perfectly dependable. “So keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever.” (Jeffrey R. Holland, "Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders among You")
I know people waiting to find new friends after moving, to adopt or have children, to be able to communicate in a new language, to find an eternal companion, to be healed from sicknesses and injuries, to get into a program, to serve a mission, to land a job, to overcome the effects of abuse and feel whole again. I know others who are waiting for answers to deep questions, for closure, for understanding, for treatments to work, for broken hearts to heal, and for the day that their precious baby is well enough to leave the NICU and come home. Sometimes God just needs us to wait. And when that waiting results in white-out, God is taking us down better paths.
I got injured in July. I had just signed up for my second marathon and I was so excited. I had just crushed my half marathon PR and felt stronger than ever. Since my first marathon a couple years ago, I’ve had a dream to qualify for Boston and I felt like this was my year. But, I pushed my body too hard with High Fitness classes and running. It started with my Achilles and then, come September, the arch in my other foot. I felt like I was falling apart. I kept pushing and eventually realized I needed to stop. This was devastating for me. Exercise doesn’t just benefit me physically, but it grounds me mentally and emotionally and I had made friends in my fitness classes, so it was social too. But I think sometimes life has to slow you down so that you can learn some things. I’m still in a waiting place. There’s still a lot of unknown. I did physical therapy for six weeks with some improvement, but I’m still hurting. I’ve tried to ease back into things, but it’s been unpredictable, and the pain has been persistent.
I’ve been actively trying to get better. I’ve tried everything that my nurse, PT and Google have suggested. I’ve soaked my feet in hot water, used a night splint, done a variety of physical therapy exercises and treatments. I’ve iced, rested, stretched and even fasted. Sometimes you can try everything and do everything you can, but the answer is simply consistency and time. This experience has humbled me and has caused me to do a lot of reflection on the benefits of waiting and white-out in our lives. This is what I want to share with you.
I don’t want to take any situation lightly and I’m aware that things others have been through are much more intense and heartbreaking than what I’m going through and the experiences I’ll share. But, I hope that the principles that I’ve learned through this waiting period can help during these times in your life. I truly believe that there is purpose in the patience we are asked to have.
Sometimes You Get to Be the Cheerleader
Sometimes you don’t get to be the runner. Sometimes you’re on the sidelines while others are accomplishing your goals. Sometimes you get to cheer for people who are experiencing something that you want, but for a time can’t have. You get to be excited for friends running marathons, when you didn’t get to run the one you signed up for. And excited for friends qualifying for Boston, when you didn’t even get the chance to try. Sometimes you get to say, “I’m celebrating that although I can’t do it or have it right now, you can. I’m celebrating that it’s happening for you.” Sometimes you get to be the runner and sometimes you get to be the cheerleader and that’s okay.
I saw a girl at the rock climbing gym the other day belaying her partner from a wheelchair. My nurse told me that while she was injured, she would drive her friends to the tops of canyons so that they could do their training runs without her. I think things like this take a lot of heart and unselfishness.
Sometimes you get to be a cheerleader for someone going through something similar to what you’ve been through. Sometimes your encouragement and help is extra valuable because of the waiting that you’ve previously experienced. You are a more valuable cheerleader for someone because of what you’ve been through. Sometimes we have these trials so that we can help someone else.
My nurse was one of these for me. She could empathize with me when I cried telling her what I’d been going through and how tough it had been for me. She said she’s cried multiple times over injuries too.
Another is Madison, my High Fitness instructor. She’s also a runner and has had times where she couldn’t exercise. She encouraged me and reminded me that it wouldn’t last forever. She could also empathize with my sadness and has consistently checked in on me and rooted for me through my recovery. She truly cared about how physical therapy was going and always asked how I was feeling after class.
At High Fitness one morning, I was boosted so much by the other people I had met there. Ron, who I would guess is in his 70s, said to me, “Cait, I’ve had every kind of injury you can have and I’m still running.” Another big racer there told me she had similar pain last year. I needed that encouragement that day. I felt so cared for and loved by people who hardly know me. It gave me so much peace moving forward.
I posted on my Instagram story when I was trying to sell my spot for the marathon. So many people responded to ask what had happened and many had relatable injuries and were so supportive.
Think of examples like this in the trials you’ve faced. It’s amazing to have people who understand. Think of HOW those people came into your life. Think of what all had to happen timing wise to bring your lives together. Really think about this. There is a reason for the timing of things in our lives, and this includes the waiting.
I also want to throw in a third type of cheerleader. This is the type of cheerleader that is always celebrating others victories whether they wish they had them, have been through something similar, or have no connection except for that they love you. This is the type that we get to be all the time if we choose. Taking interest in others makes our waiting less painful because we focus less on ourselves. Don’t we all know someone who is just a great life cheerleader? Like they are so pumped and excited for you and any accomplishments you reach. They cheer for your dating life, your races, your promotions and find enthusiasm in the little victories. They are the people that remind you that the small things you are doing are actually pretty amazing.
Dependability is a Godlike Attribute
So what makes these periods of waiting easier or even possible to bear at times? Trusting in God.
Let’s remember that God is there for us always, and always will be. It is who He is. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He will keep His promises. He is perfectly dependable. How amazing is it to know that we have someone that will never fail us? And that He’s looking out for us and our lives? And that He loves us enough to give us hard things sometimes? One day as I was struggling I found myself thinking, “But I love this and it’s a good thing. Why can’t I do what I love?” and God’s loving response came through my next thought, “But I love you”. I think it’s easy to have “but” statements when it comes to things that we desperately want, but I think God’s response is often, “But I love you”. We can be confident that everything He does is out of love for us. That is why He’s molding us with these things. We need to trust that He loves us, has a plan and will provide.
Marvin J. Ashton said, “Perhaps it would be good for our souls to build the relationship and understanding that he is there, even our loving and eternal Father, and that ofttimes delays to our urgent pleas can be best for us. Who is to say it isn’t more important to know that he is there than to receive immediate answers?” (“Know He Is There”, November 10, 1992)
I have a sign that sits on my dresser facing my bed that says, “Be still & know”. I look at that often, and it always brings me peace to remember that He is constant and He knows me. In Alma 39:7, Alma is talking to his son Corianton about sins he had committed and tells him that he wouldn’t dwell on these things if it weren’t for Corianton’s good. The words, “I would not...if it were not for your good.” stood out to me. I think our loving Heavenly Father feels the same with the experiences that we are faced with. He would not if they were not for our good.
During these times, it’s always a good exercise for me to remember what He has done for me in the past. In 2012, I decided to train for a half marathon with my freshman roommates. The plan was to do a half and then a marathon together. I had never run a race like this before, but I had always wanted to. Not long after signing up, my iPod (lol) fell off the treadmill while I was running, and I strained a muscle in my knee trying to catch it. I could hardly walk. I focused on school and other things and eventually it healed. They ran those races without me. I got to run my half and my marathon, but not when I wanted to. It was four years later. I’m having to wait for my second marathon too. But, I know that God will heal me, because He has done it before. And if He doesn’t now, He will when the timing is right if I am putting in my effort.
I think it’s also important to reflect on examples in the scriptures. Have you ever prayed to the Lord and asked, “How long?” You are not alone. There are examples throughout the scriptures of the plea, “O Lord, how long?” Often we see people finding hope and faith in remembering the delivery of their ancestors and knowing that God would also deliver them. Think of the pioneers or Lehi’s family or the Brother of Jared and his people waiting to get to a promised land. Think of Joseph Smith or Book of Mormon missionaries waiting to be released from prison. Think of Alma’s people waiting for a way to escape and be able to pray and live their lives more freely again. So many have waited in bondage or captivity not knowing how long they would be there. God could have delivered them sooner, He could have. But He didn’t. Why? Because of the lessons, learning, faith, growth. He strengthened them to bear up their burdens in the meantime.
Often times we don’t realize the blessings of waiting periods until we look back. This makes me think of canyoneering. Sometimes you have to go down something that you can’t fully see. You go down with the instructions of the people ahead of you because you can’t see what’s below you and it’s hard to know where to put your feet. On the other end it’s so clear, but in the moment it’s hard to understand where God is taking you. You have to trust that the person helping you can see more than you can.
I remember my first summer back from my mission I felt strongly that I should stay in Logan for the summer. The week of finals I was given a big calling and the guy I was dating broke up with me. The next week my job at the water lab became full time and I was working for the plant shop manager instead of my professor and it was not what I was expecting at all. I spent the first two days cleaning up the workshop, sweeping and picking up bolts. It was my first time working full time and it felt so long. Monday I got home and my best friend told me she was taking a different job in another town and wasn’t going to be my roommate for the summer after all. I was completely overwhelmed and discouraged. I was talking to my mom about all of this and she said, “Cait, it’s only Tuesday”. That phrase has come to my mind so many times since then. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we are facing that we forget that God has so much more prepared for us. It’s only Tuesday. He has great things planned for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.. There is so much more to come.
Throughout that summer, I became close friends with another roommate who I didn't know before. You know who was my biggest support when I went through a rough breakup a year later? You know who reached out to me to tell me that she’s had Achilles issues too? God is looking out for us.
The last thing I want to say about dependability, is that we could all be a little bit better at it. If we are all striving to become like God, this includes striving to be more dependable. While there is so much uncertainty in a lot of our lives, with everyone going through periods of waiting and wishing and wondering, let’s make an extra effort to be dependable for each other. Can others depend on you? We should also make an extra effort to stay dependable to God in our waiting.
White-Out
Sometimes faithful waiting leads to alternate paths. I think it’s important to recognize that while waiting can always be for our benefit, it does not always end with the desired outcome. Sometimes we will have to use white-out in our lives. We have something planned and scheduled, but God has another plan and we must change courses and fill it with something else. But there is always something to replace it, something better for us than the original plan, even if it doesn’t feel that way at first, or in the process, or for years after it happened. Not because your plan wasn’t a good plan, but because God knows you and His plan is even better. Better for our learning, growth and understanding. Better for our eternal welfare. Sometimes the thing we want, the thing we are waiting for, is not in our plan. But maybe while you’re waiting for what you think you want, you’re moving toward what God knows you need.
I thought about this when I used white-out to cover up the Hunstville Marathon on my calendar at work. I felt so strong when I signed up. I had to white it out. But, if I had been training for a marathon this summer, I wouldn’t have had the experiences and relationships that I do and that I cherish so much. These thoughts caused me to ponder on the other times when I have had to use white-out in my life. Experiences for these range from promising relationships coming to an end, leaving in the middle of my degree to serve a mission when I had never planned to serve and deciding to find a job right out of college instead of staying for my master’s degree. I can look back and see benefits from all of these experiences. When have you had to use white-out in your life? And where did it lead you?
I like to think of sunrises and sunsets. There are periods of both in our lives, but I think we more often focus on the sunsets. How often do we celebrate the sunrise? When I compare the times that I’ve made a conscious effort to watch a sunrise compared to a sunset, there are much fewer times. BUT, sunrises are JUST AS BEAUTIFUL. Sunsets are hard with closures to time periods, dreams or hobbies, but sunrises are full of opportunity and things we can’t even imagine for ourselves. Pay more attention to the sunrises.
Active Waiting
Last weekend I tried going on a short run and for the first time maybe ever I didn’t track how far I went or how fast I was going. It was honestly so refreshing, because for me right now it’s not about how far or how fast, it’s about moving.
If the thing you are waiting for is not happening, something else will fill that time. Your life will continue. So what will you do with that time? How will you fill it? Even though you may not be able to do the things you want, there are still options for you. There are always options. Exploring these options is what I think of as active waiting. We can always be productive with our time. Gordon B. Hinckley said, “there is nothing that dulls a personality so much as a negative outlook” (Forget Yourself, March 6, 1977, BYU Speeches). Active waiting helps us be more positive.
I’m learning to like the elliptical. I’ve never been a fan, but it’s something that my body can do right now and I can get my heart beating faster. I start adult swimming lessons next week. This probably sounds silly to most people, but I never took lessons as a kid and I’m not very confident in my swimming abilities. I figured this was the perfect time to get better at it. Maybe I can’t run, but I can swim. I’ve spent more time in the last few months rock climbing and playing pickleball and I’ve gotten a lot better at both. I want to try cycling and yoga. I was given a ukulele on my mission and I’ve been wanting to learn it again. We can focus on other areas of growth.
My roommate told me that she had plantar fasciitis while running cross country in high school. She tried swimming because she couldn’t run. The next year when she was healthy again, she didn’t even do cross country. She joined the swim team.
This active waiting can include growth in every part of our lives, including growing spiritually. Waiting has caused me to dig deep and self-reflect. Who am I if my physical talents and hobbies are gone? Am I letting these things define me too much? I felt prompted to not only explore new hobbies, but to take this time to build and establish better spiritual habits.
Dallin H. Oaks said, “Do not rely on planning every event of your life—even every important event. Stand ready to accept the Lord’s planning and the agency of others in matters that inevitably affect you. Plan, of course, but fix your planning on personal commitments that will carry you through no matter what happens. Anchor your life to eternal principles, and act upon those principles whatever the circumstances and whatever the actions of others. Then you can await the Lord’s timing and be sure of the outcome in eternity.” (Timing, BYU Devotional, January 29, 2002).
I was inspired one day by two ladies who were working at the temple. It was clear that English was not a first language for either of them. They struggled some. But they were in the House of the Lord serving Him. They were doing awesome and I felt inspired by their desire and willingness to serve even if it put them outside their comfort zones.
Being active in our waiting is not always comfortable. As part of my physical therapy they did a treatment called ASTYM. They use plastic tools to scrape your muscles and tendons so that new fibers can develop and blood flow can increase to those areas for healing. This was honestly super painful and uncomfortable. They also did dry needling, where they put needles into my tendons and sent electrical pulses through them. Sometimes there is pain and pressure that has to be applied so that we can come out better than we were before the window of waiting. The pain is stimulating change and growth, healthy growth. One day while doing this treatment the PT could tell that I was in a lot of pain, and he said, “Think about running pain free”. So I did. I thought about running freely like I had before and going to my High Fitness classes and this helped me endure those treatments every week. The pain of waiting is more bearable when you think about what you’re fighting and enduring for. It also helps to think of the eternal perspective of what you are fighting and enduring for.
It is not likely that you will always be in this period of waiting. One day while frustrated I had this thought, “Why are you wishing away something that you can learn a lot from? It will pass by without lessons if you let it.” So take advantage of these learning and expanding opportunities before your window passes. In the grand scheme of things, this window is short.
Waiting Promotes Gratitude
I think one of the greatest blessings of waiting is that it promotes gratitude- gratitude for the things that we do have and more gratitude for what we’re waiting for when it comes.
I went on a road trip in October and we came across a waterfall lookout on the side of a main highway. A sign there read, “Erected by a grateful people.” This phrase stood out to me and caused me to think, “Would people say that I am a grateful person?”
I hadn’t been very grateful in this trial and it caused me to reflect. I didn’t train for a marathon this summer, but a lot of other amazing things happened for me. Yes I was injured, but for a few months it didn’t stop me from doing most of what I love. It slowed me down just enough to make the most important things a priority. I still got to go on my trip to Glacier and Banff National Parks, I still hiked Mt. Nebo, I still played Spikeball and volleyball every week and did High Fitness for awhile. Yes, I was in pain during all of it, but everything wasn't taken away. I had so much to be grateful for. And it also made me realize how blessed I had been to run the previous four years without any injuries at all.
When I went to Iceland last year, one of my main goals was to see The Northern Lights. Unfortunately, there was major cloud cover the week we went. We did our research on when and where would be our best chance at seeing them and got up in the middle of our first night to go and look. We waited and waited and had pretty much given up hope when we thought we saw a change in the night sky. Slowly the lights started to appear in a window between the clouds and we enjoyed them for a short minute. We tried to see them again throughout the week without any luck. I remember being a little bit bummed that the sky hadn’t been clear for us. And then I had this thought, “Are you not going to be grateful for the sliver because you wanted the whole sky?” How could I be upset that He didn’t give us the whole sky when He parted the clouds for us? I wanted the whole sky, but I was given a silver, and it was amazing. I know I can be better at recognizing and being grateful for the slivers of light in my life.
I came across a post from a fitness instructor that I don’t even know on my discover page who was out with health issues. Another instructor had commented with this quote, “Set backs make for even stronger come backs.” I needed this. Why would this set back make for an even stronger comeback for me? Because I would be so grateful for the experience. I will not take for granted having a healthy body that can move and jump and do whatever I want it to! I will be stronger because of my gratitude and appreciation for the experience and for feeling 100%. I will be more motivated, grateful and excited to do all of these things fully again.
I remember when my PT told me that he wanted me to try a little bit of running one weekend. I was so surprised and excited. Even to just run around the block would feel like a dream. I hadn’t been on a run in 4 ½ months! Of course I still had pain, but it was so invigorating to get out and be on my feet for just a short time. I’ve never been more grateful to run a mile and a half. I felt the same way my first time back to High Fitness. I was so grateful to be there.
I taught someone on my mission who was first introduced to the church by a friend she made at a previous military base. When she was baptized, this friend flew across the country to be there. I’ll never forget what her friend said in her talk, “I’ve been praying every day for 4 years for this day.” What a faithful example of someone waiting and how much gratitude I felt from this sweet sister for her friend's experience that day. The things that we wait for become much more valuable to us because of the waiting.
After all this talk of waiting, I want to point out a few of the things that we don’t have to wait for. I am so grateful that we don’t have to wait for happiness, wait for peace, wait for hope, or wait for forgiveness from God. We don’t have to wait to serve, wait to love, or wait to reach out to Christ. Our Savior and Heavenly Father have our best interest in mind. They are our perfect cheerleaders and are perfectly dependable. “So keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever.” (Jeffrey R. Holland, "Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders among You")
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